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Halt! Turn around. This is a BAD place where only BAD things happen to GOOD people1. You were never here and we must never speak about this mysterious and magical island again.

Excellent. You're still here. You are a courageous and foolhardy individual. If you continue ahead you will find a tangled path overtaken by jungle, vog2 and lava rock. You will get lost. You will grow hungry. You may not survive. The good news: You have a guide. The bad news: It is the guide you need to find3. And if you do not find your guide soon, what will happen is so alarming that I cannot say it here.

Because I feel for you in this troublesome situation, along the way I may drop a few hints, provide an indication or give an inkling or two. I also tip well. 

Good luck and be quick – trouble is about to erupt4!

Pseudonymous Bosch
  1. To be honest, bad things happen to bad people here, too. The island doesn't really discriminate, I was assuming you are a good person.
  2. Volcanic smog.
  3. I told you only bad things happen here.
  4. Much like it does in my new novel BAD MAGIC, which my shameless publisher has forced me to remind you is now available at your favorite bookstore.

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DONE! GO SAVE YOUR GUIDE!

You are using !

Which means your browser does not support the technology behind this fun, interactive 3D maze!

Use the latest version of Google Chrome or download it here.
or use the latest version of Firefox or download it here.

HURRY! YOUR GUIDE NEEDS TO BE SAVED!

Instructions

1. Use arrow keys to move. (Or W A S D keys.)

2. Use mouse to click on clickable stuff.

3. Find your guide before it’s to late. ¡Ándale!*

*Did I mention your guide was from Peru? I’m so bad with directions: 4. Learn Spanish.

OK

You are using !

Which means your device does not support the technology behind this fun, interactive 3D maze!

Use a desktop device with Google Chrome or Firefox.

HURRY! YOUR GUIDE NEEDS TO BE SAVED!

CONGRATULATIONS!

You have overcome flames, famine, and ferocious guard bees and have successfully found your guide! Your reward? Eternal bragging rights for beating the hardest maze in the world.* You also finally get to leave the island.**

If you're hankering for more adventure, mayhem, and trouble*** (and a bad word or two), be sure to pick up my brand new book, BAD MAGIC. You have to read it to believe it.****

Secretly,
Pseudonymous Bosch

*Okay, so it's not quite as impressive as The Old-Berry, Snob-Berry & Dark-Chocolate-Dipped Strawberry Award for Excellence in Children's Literature. Baby steps.

**This might be the better reward of the two.

***And, if you are, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?!

****Just ignore that review from my mom.

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Dear Reader,

You seem to be backed into a corner, much like Clay, the hero of Bad Magic was when he was given the choice of Earth Ranch or expulsion from school (Personally, I’m still not sure if Earth Ranch was the best choice, I mean, look around, it’s on an active volcano!). But, if you keep going, there’s a rock formation up ahead that might help you find your way — and your llama.

×

Dear Reader,

Did you know that, even though “maze” and “labyrinth” are used interchangeably, a maze has multiple paths, dead-ends and is more complex to solve, while a labyrinth has one route and is much easier to navigate. Unfortunately, this happens to be a maze. And (even more) unfortunately, your llama happens to be trapped inside. Fortunately, if you see a rock formation you are heading in the right direction.

×

Dear Reader,

In Shakespeare’s The Tempest, an island much like this was home to a vengeful sorcerer who toyed with the people around him. He caused confusion, played tricks, created illusions and made their lives very difficult. This isn’t the same island, and I would never try to confuse anyone. Therefore, I must confess, you are going the wrong way. You’re welcome and good luck. You’re headed in the right direction!

×

Dear Reader,

If you think I’m going to tell you how to find your llama, you’re wrong. I’m not going to tell you that you’re going the wrong way, or that if you had taken a right at the left arrow you’d be going the right way. Oh, blast! I’ve said too much.

×

Dear Reader,

One of the reasons dead ends were built into street plans was so that children would have a place to play that did not involve dodging oncoming traffic (although, clearly, children can still get into plenty of trouble without cars or you wouldn’t be lost on this island). Take a u-turn, and keep your eyes peeled for the swarm bees. One of them knows where your llama is.

×

Dear Reader,

There are a surprising number of terms to indicate a dead end. To name a few: cul de sac, no exit, no through road, sackgasse, no outlet, not a through street, closed, or court. All of them apply to this route. Turn back; the answer is in the fire (but don’t jump into the fire, or touch the fire, or use the fire to start a fire — fire is bad, like magic).”

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